HAI

Funny how the first month of the year started so happy talking about the same person every single day. And I guess I’ll keep the rest of the year talking about him, still. Hahahaha kidding! Not obsessed bitch please. The “thing” I was expecting didn’t happen at all, and newsflash: I’m not hoping anymore. But don’t get me wrong bec I am perfectly happy right now with what we have. So yep basically there’s still something hehe. But if you’ve read the previous posts (abt him) you’ll def notice how I expect and get my hopes up hahahaha but ended up getting hurt. Boo, right!! I really suck at these, I hope ppl reading this won’t misunderstand me as malandi bec being malandi is way diff from being a hopeless romantic. Chos lang! But yeah, bottom line is… I still ended up getting hurt bec of high expectations and don’t laugh…. I even cried myself to sleep. I just thought everything’s fucked up. But it’s not.

Brief story of what really happened: I thought everything was going accdg to plan. Just bec he was being sweet and all that, I thought there was alr “something” between us hahaha corny!! What’s odd abt it is, he didn’t deny the fact that he likes me. Idk maybe bec of our same taste in music, we really clicked together, the way we communicate and all…. I don’t know. Maybe I fell (fyi guys I’m not in love) with the fact that he’s the boy version of me, that we laugh at everything even w the simplest of all things, that we talk 24/7 without getting bored, his long and full of effort text messages, and the fact that his “mission” every day is to make me laugh/smile. Maybe I just fell with too much comfort. Aahh Idk! Weird how close and open we were in just a short span of time. He’s a gentleman in his own way, effortlessly funny, has good taste in music, very (as in very) open-minded and… smells good? Who wouldn’t fall for that!?!?!! So anyways, as expected, I fell for it. Hehe. I got too attached and all. “I miss you” text messages here, “text ka na” messages there….. until the day he clarified everything. I honestly don’t know what are the right words to use, but uhm, ok I’ll try my best……. he asked me what will I do, OR is it okay with me if he likes somebody else. I mean, yup he does like me but not the girlfriend-material. He didn’t say the words “girlfriend material” but I think that’s his point. He also asked me what if he had a girlfriend, will I avoid him, and things like that. Hahaha you don’t know how much it affected me, to the point that I alr didn’t know what to say/react/reply. I was in class that time, religion class to be exact. And upon reading his text, I just stared at my notebook for about five minutes. Straight. I was about to cry (HAHAHA IKR?) but chose not to since I don’t want to be emotional and shit. That’s how big the impact was…. I won’t forget everything he said. Every single word in that text message. But yknow what, I honestly don’t have any guts to back-read that convo we had that day…

But here’s the catch: He told me everything he feels. He likes me, yes. But wants us to stay as bestfriends bec I believe that lovers fade, friends don’t. That’s my self-made theory. HAHA LAME ASS NIGGA OVR HERE. So basically, I hate to say this but I think I’m being friend zoned. Sad in some point but I’m looking at is as a big positive thing right now. We still talk thru text. There are still “I miss you” messages, and he has still his “mission” aaand the nonsense funny text messages. Idk but I still find it sweet that we share the same music, we sing to the same songs, and um, the “I can’t wait to see you” messages. I now know my boundaries. No more expectations and bullshit. From now on, I’ll start focusing on other relevant things in life (not saying that he’s irrelevant haha) but more important things, being open-minded is a must. I’m just happy that he’s still with me, and will be w me for the rest of…. life? Hahaha this is shit so kuddos to you if you’ve reach this part

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About Camille Ortiz

Manila-based Multimedia Arts student
This entry was posted in College, Friends, Love, Week Blog. Bookmark the permalink.

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