8:37 PM Thoughts

I just got home from school and it’s the second to the last day of the term, and right now is by far the lowest point of my college life. Wanna know why?

  • I got a 2.0 in WORLITE which simply means I’m not in the Dean’s List anymore (lowest grade should be 2.5). I expected way too much, and it really hurts knowing the fact that I’m five points away from my goal… FIVE FUCKING POINTS!!!
  • I hate my WORLITE prof for being inconsiderate about the five points! I mean, all I asked for was something I could do to gain the points for me to have at least 2.5, but still.. I can’t blame anyone but me..
  • I’m so pissed because I waited for five hours (or so) since I was hoping I could talk to him about my grade, but turned out he just gave back my final paper and said “you can go now.” I approached him the nicest way I can but he just turned me down even before I said something about my intention! *I want to curse my prof but, I’m too nice to say something about him*
  • As much as I want to blame my prof and anyone included, I just can’t because I know for a fact that it was entirely my fault. I know I could’ve done better, and maybe, just maybe, if I didn’t ditched his class too much, I could still possibly get a 3 or something. So yes, I am blaming myself!!
  • I’m really really sad and disappointed at myself right now. I started this term having all the motivation I can get, but ended up it was still not enough. My friends kept saying “you did your best” but I know I didn’t. If I did my best, then why did I get such a low grade. I keep disappointing myself, sometimes I just want to kill myself but I know killing myself isn’t a solution to the problem. At all. I just feel so down right now..
  • I feel like a constant disappointment to my parents. They send me to a good school, they provide all my needs, and I feel bad that this is all I can give back in return. I know they deserve better, and 2.0 isn’t what they really deserve..
  • But then again, bottom line, this is all my fault. I am accountable for this. Because I know I could’ve done better and exerted more.
  • On the other hand, I’m still thankful for the grade I got.. let’s just say it’s the consequence I had to face for ditching WORLITE class for how many times and for not doing my best. I’m thankful that I got a 2.0, instead of 1.0, or worse, an R. Trying to look at the brightest possible side.
  • Letting this be a lesson and an inspiration/motivation for me to do better next term. I won’t fail myself and my parents the next chance I get.

About Camille Ortiz

Manila-based Multimedia Arts student
This entry was posted in 2013, College, Family, Life, School, Society, Week Blog. Bookmark the permalink.

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