When I feel ugly and fat/overweight.
Today I wore unflattering clothes to work. By unflattering, I mean tight jeans and a flannel top which emphasizes my thighs more. I saw myself in the mirror few minutes ago and saw how big my thighs were. As if there was a time it isn’t. But it’s noticeable (for me) how bigger I got because of my bigger thighs, chubbier cheeks and flabby arms. The other day I asked our maid if I’m getting fat, expecting she’d say “no, of course not!” she actually said “ay oo lumaki nga braso mo.” (yes! Especially your arms.) And it only made me realize that I’m actually gaining weight and felt heavier than usual.
So I decided to run last Sunday, and then went to the gym on Monday, hoping I’d feel better about myself (and I promised myself again that I’d exercise regulary). But today I felt worse. Maybe it’s because of the clothes I’m wearing.
But today my officemate Steph and I went to Starbucks to grab coffee. The barista wrote “you look beautiful” on Steph’s cup while mine says “Godbless”. I don’t know if that means something but for me it definitely tells me something – that maybe I am the ugly friend. Now I’m feeling worse-r.
I’m being unfair again to myself. I just promised from my previous blog that I’d stop hating myself but today I just found more reasons to feel that way.
I hope this is just me going through PMS.